Monday, December 30, 2013


April Barbosa, Columnist & Poet,
When I was 19 I smoked marijuana for the first time. I remember cruising with my primo and some homies and they said they were going to get high. I was scared I had never tried it and didn’t know what it would do to me, but I didn’t want them to know this so I asked if I could try. When it was my turn to hit the joint I inhaled but not into my lungs just into my cheeks. One of my homeboys laughed at me and showed me the proper way to inhale. I started coughing and thought I was going to suffocate. But lo and behold I survived. We sat there in the car smoking it out. When the joint was gone I sat there waiting for something to happen. I was more talkative while everyone else was quiet.

Weed made me talkative and not only that, it relaxed my body. I had never felt better. The pain that I was already used to slowly went away. That day was one of the best days of my life I had no pain. I became a pot head. My family disapproved so I kept it hidden. For years I smoked the only thing I didn’t like was it sometimes gave me a headache.

When I turned 20 I became pregnant with my 3rd child and decided it was time to “grow up” and quit smoking. I had a well-paying job and my husband and I had just bought our first house. Even though life was going good I was constantly in pain. I kept going to my doctor over and over only to be told it may be psychosomatic systems caused by stress. Then I was finally diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis after years of testing. The doctors started me out on so many medications I can’t even remember half of the names but I do know most of them were for opiates for pain.


April Barbosa, Poet & Columnist,

Reading what my husband and kids feel makes me hate the MS more. I hate knowing they have to carry my weight when I can’t handle my responsibilities, but they have taught me that families are a team and just like a team we are only as strong as the weakest member. As for the weakest member in our family there is none because no one has a chance to fall.

Here in their own words is what my MS does to each them:

  “This is her husband Joe well I try to make her life easy as possible but it’s not easy. When she flares up I take control n try to do what she does. I make
sure she takes her meds get the kids ready for school get food, clean. On days it’s bad I stay home, I lost a job because I stayed home with her to help. It sucks to see her in pain I’m not going to be one of those husbands that leave because of MS I love her and if I could wish the MS away I would. I hate MS fuck you MS she’s my wife and you can’t have her.”

Saturday, August 10, 2013


April Barbosa, Columnist & Poet,

Let me tell you a story about the lady who lived in the shoe
She had so many insecurities she did not know what to do
All around her the world said you are ok
But she did not believe a word they had to say
Little lady in the shoe
Why don’t you let anyone close to you?
Little lady in the shoe
Do your thoughts swirl and dance in your head
Little lady in the shoe
Do you hate your life? Do you wish you were dead?
Run, run, here comes the gingerbread man
Little Lady with the worn down steel toe boot with a cracked sole
This shoe has years, worth of dirt and grime
Pain sorrow and other markings of time
Run little lady run to the safety of your shoe
The world is too much for you
© 2013 April M. Barbosa

Monday, August 5, 2013


April Barbosa, Columnist & Poet,
I have read so many stories from people with MS who have had loved ones abandon them because of their illness.  I used to think MS is not bad I got this I need no one but myself. Then the MS decided to show me its real power and it destroyed me from the inside out. My symptoms weren’t a big deal, at first. My legs hurt and I was a little bit forgetful. Then the Multiple Sclerosis decided to mess with my emotions and state of mind.  I began to think less of myself, I became angry and hateful.

Whenever I saw happy people I would instantly not like them, not because of anything to do with them it was because of me. I was jealous that everyone else was “normal” and didn’t feel shitty like I did. My anger began to show by the way I talked to people. I wouldn’t censor my words anymore. I said mean things just to hurt people. I thought hurting others made me feel better but in actuality it just hurt my relationships.
 Family and friends began to avoid me. I felt more alone than ever. The only ones who didn’t give up on me were my husband and kids.  I regret those dark years of my life I had turned into an awful person.  I drank heavily to hide from my roller coaster of emotions, to hide from my pain, to not see the monster I had become.  I was selfish and always thought of myself I never stopped and truly seen what I was doing to my family.  This went on for years.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013


Puff Puff pass

I hate this body! This fucked up painful body
This tomb that imprisons me
The pain, too much pain
It overwhelms the senses and I crave a pain free moment I’ll never find
Meds meds meds fuck that give me the bong I wanna get high
Wanna lose this pain in a cloud of smoke I watch flow from my lungs into the clear blue sky
Pass me the joint let me hit that shit puff puff pass foo
If you wanna smoke with me better bring your own for you
Cause when it comes to my smoke
I’m a stingy bitch off my mota you won’t get to toke

© 2013 April Barbosa

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

January 25th 2005 is a very significant day in my life. Not my birthday, more like my rebirth day. This was the day I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. The day I grew up...

April Barbosa, Poet & Columnist,
I am blunt, I like to say very random things and some people find me offensive so read my column at your own risk!  Oh to be told you have a debilitating illness with no cure, such a horrible a feeling it conjures up. I had never thought of death before then and I was only 24 years old.  Don’t get me wrong my life had been far from easy since the day I was born. I had just never thought of myself when it came to being unhealthy. My oldest daughter Marialisa was 7 years old, My middle daughter Rosaura was 4 years old and my son Joseph was about to turn two years old.  My husband and I had been married a total of 4 years and 7 months and we had just bought our first home.  In my eyes I had been living the life.

I worked at, (what I had thought of at the

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

My demons have begun to scream at me

The darkness is once again calling
Promising to show me the answers to my fucked up reality
I am losing the battle for sobriety
My demons have begun to scream at me
I can’t hear the voices of my loved ones all I see is the pain in their eyes
I am so tired of the drama so fed up with the lies
I want to forget life for a day
I wish I could drink and smoke it away
I haven’t lost my grip I’m still holding onto my sobriety
Lord please give me strength God please guide me!!
to me

Before the medical marijuana my legs were too painful to even walk much not we go to the mountains every sunday and hike

I qualified for medical marijuana. I had smoked when I was younger and before I was diagnosed and it had helped my pain. I got the medical card and bought my first package of meds. It was amazing!

During the day I have some that I smoke for energy and pain it has helped me to feel so much better and I do alot more things.

We have started going on weekly hiking trips, this is a big thing because before the medical mj my legs were too painful to even walk much not we go to the mountains every sunday and hike. It is amazing!

Then at night I don't have to take as many meds because the Marijuana is for sleeping and pain and it is amazing.

When I was on all the pills every morning I'd wake up feeling like I had medicine head now I wake up and just feel good.

I never thought I'd be advocate for medical marijuana but it has truly changed my life so now I plan on spreading the word to everyone who may benefit from it.

Monday, June 17, 2013